


Bath Time

by BreedingDuties



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bath Sex, Bathroom Sex, F/M, It's like a Ben & Jerrys up in here, Not sure what else you'd expect, So god damn vanilla, Vanilla, Wet doggy butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:47:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25830796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreedingDuties/pseuds/BreedingDuties
Summary: Dave's a bit of a neat freak, Jade loves to go outside and is part dog. Fortunately, there's a happy, soapy compromise that solves everyone's problems.
Relationships: Jade Harley/Dave Strider
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Bath Time

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you’re proud of your clean carpets. Sure it’s a strange thing to be proud of, but fuck you they’re a pain to clean. Your old life was a whirlwind of fighting demons and monsters, the satisfaction of a clean house devoid of any swords or puppets is comfortingly normal.   
Of course your goal of a clean carpet would be a lot easier if you didn’t live with Jade. Jade unfortunately grew up in a house where cleaning was done by robots or nuclear magic or something. You don’t really know. She also grew up doing a fuckton of gardening, which is why you’re now looking at a shitton of mud all over your beautiful clean carpets.

“Jade what the fuck.”

She turned around, immediately going into wide-eye droopy-eared puppy mode. It might give your heart a boner, but not enough to distract you from the muddy carpet.

“You’re getting mud everywhere! Why are you even covered in mud?”

“Tomatoes.”

“What?”

“Tomatoes!” She beamed and made a strangling motion with her arm. “You’d be astounded how aggressive they get given that we moved Earth millions of years into the future.”

“…Right.”

“Trust me, they’re a lot of fun to fight!”

Yeah that sounds about normal for your life. It’s either peaceful movie-watching or finding out you super-evolved evil communist corn or something. No excuse for dirty carpets though.

“Okay that’s great that you’re defending the Earth from Ayn Rand loving tomatoes or something, but you’re getting mud everywhere. Go clean up!”

“But I’m not done yet! I’m not going to take a shower!”

You sighed internally. Jade was in that stubborn pouty mood, coming off that vegetable-combat high probably. You’d have to make a compromise or this would end with barking.

“Alright. How about this.”

“Yes?”

“If you take a bath…”

“Yessss?”

“I’ll join you.”

“Oooo, you are a skilled negotiator Mister Strider. You’ve got a bath.”

You followed her into the bathroom, drawing a bath and trying not to get distracted as she disrobed. You admit you’re a shower guy, but your bathtub is nice. The kind of luxury only gods can afford. It was closer to say that it was more a small pool, and the shower might have well been some sort of pipe organ that had fused with a normal shower and then that resultant abomination had fucked a waterpark. Part of you suspected that Jade had just based this off that one Harry Potter bathroom. And you would be completely fine with that.  
She stripped down the rest of the way, throwing the laundry into that weird Skaian laundry contraption you had. Someday you’d find out where it went and how it worked, but the literal magic of laundry for now would remain a mystery.

“Like what you see Dave?”

“I’d like it better when it’s clean, get in the tub.”

You slapped her ass, putting on your best Texan “Gidalongnow” voice, and she climbed into the tub. You swear you don’t sound like you’re from Texas but everyone makes jokes about it. It’s not nice but it got Jade to wear a cowboy hat one time, so you suppose you came out on top. That was not a metaphor. Not exactly.

You lift up your shirt, then feel an intense star-laden stare behind you. Jade’s sitting at the foot of the tub, watching you patiently.

“You didn’t take off your glasses?” You say.

“I will! I just want to watch you undress first.” She said blushing a little bit.

You strip down without comment, Jade “awwws” in disappointment as she sets aside her glasses. If she wanted dancing that costs extra. You gently take your own glasses off, and dip into the tub with her. She reaches for you, but you push her back a bit.

“Nope, no sexy times, we’ve got a dog to clean.”

“And after that?” She says, giving you a Look.

“And then the carpet.”

“Dawww, you’re no fun today.”

“I’m the unfun king” you say, tossing her the soap and beginning to lather her hair and ears in shampoo.

You bathe in silence, but despite your promises, it was kind of hard to focus. You were pressed against each other, and you could feel all the little movements Jade was making. You could feel yourself getting hard beneath the now-soapy water. And she definitely could. The ears perking up clued you in. You cough.

“Alright turn around now, gotta get your back.” You say, and turn away to get another slather of soap.

You turn back, and instead of a Jade, you’re faced with a Jade’s butt, tail wagging excitedly. You pause.

“You said you were going to give me a bath!” She says.

“Yeah but I didn’t realize you’d take that as a request to put your, admittedly very rocking, ass in my face.”

“Dave we’re naked in a hot bath together, we both need to admit that this was never going to end in a situation where I WASN’T shoving my butt in your face!”

You suppose she had a point, but it was a point that was like… was like…

You apologize internally to whatever eldritch entities might be monitoring your thoughts that your metaphor-game has been so bad lately. You have a slab of slippery doggirl cooch in your face, your mind (and face) were going to be elsewhere. Speaking of which, you slide two fingers in, eliciting a classic Jade Harley squeal from the other end. You lean in further, and planted a few kisses, which brought another squeal. Two points already, not bad. Sure it was vaguely sudsy, but you’d say you were a champion pussy-eater. Admittedly you’d only ever been with one girl and said girl would probably get off if you did anything to you, but still, you’d be willing to enter a cunnilingus contest on those odds.  
With a “boop!” from Jade, she pushes her butt into your face further and you’re pulled back into reality. You get the picture, and pull her down with you, till she’s sitting on top of you. You never question why Jade loves shoving her crotch in your face. Guess she finds you attractive. Most people do.  
She moans and grinds on your face. Part of you wishes you could see the faces she was making, but you’d have to remove your face, and she’d stop making the faces, so that just won’t work out. You can feel water splash around you and remember that, oh yeah, she just shoved you underwater.  
You supposed if you were going to drown or suffocate, doing it with a face-full of soaped up Harley vagina wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Not the best way mind you, but probably in your top three.

But you’d rather live, so…

You reach up and raise Jade up and out of your face, there’s an “eeep!” from her but a followup giggle and an increased wagging rate indicates that it’s an approving eep. Jade likes being manhandled, but that’s a story for another day. You sit up and plop Jade back down on your lap, and she wiggles around to get comfortable.

“Bathtime done already?” She says, gyrating around a bit.

“You wish, gotta finish up with your chest. Lift your arms a bit.”

You grab a bit of bodywash, and a boob in each hand, and begin to do a rub down. It’s like washing a car. A very attractive car with ample boobage. You really don’t know anything about cars. You do know a lot about getting Jade off though,  
She opens her eyes, a little unfocused thanks to the lack of glasses, but focused enough to give you a little kiss. She sighs as you continue your cleaning/fondling.

“I should take baths more often…”

“That’s gross.”

“Hey I’m not saying I never do! I remember back on the ship, yours was the only working bathroom so I had to use your dumb shower all the time.”

“Didn’t you ruin the towels in there?”

“Mmm, I just used your underwear as a towel instead.”

“That’s gross. Also hot.”

“Thought you might like that. And also like this…”

One of her hands goes down under the water, and you soon feel it grasp around you, sliding you and guiding you in.

“Hey wait-”

“You’ve still some boobs to wash coolkid, try not to get distracted.”

“Hard to get distracted by the same thing I’m trying to focus oaahhh.” A pleasing grind from Jade eliminates whatever overly complicated joke you were thinking of it, and your mind settles into that pink fuzz that only your beautiful witch can enfuzz.

To hell with it, the boobs are clean enough. You pull her in close and wrap your arms around her, moving your own hips in response. Water splashes around you as you take a cheek in each hand and help her along. It’s not long before you settle into that familiar rhythm that’s taken up oh-so-many of your nights. And like always, it speeds up. The one thing you learned about Jade is that sooner or later, she likes to take control. Like really likes it. At this point, the hottest part of watching Jade bounce up and down on top of you is that little expression she makes. Even soaking wet, that intense, smitten look she always gives you is enough to send you over the top. But you’re a gentlemen, so ladies first. You start moving your hands up and down in time, helping her along, and waves splash over the side of the tub.

The cueball rubberducky that was floating along is probably is probably at the bottom of the bathtub ocean now, waiting for James Cameron to discover it and make a movie about how it got sunk by your soaped up lovemaking.

“Inside?” You manage to say. There’s no response but her tail wags faster. Like there was any other choice.

She leans in for one, final kiss, her mouth silencing whatever groan you would’ve released, as your grip on her butt tightens. You feel her shiver as well as her own orgasm soon follows hers. As far as climaxes go it’s pretty anti-climactic, but who’s complaining? Certainly not you.  
You lie there for several minutes, the feeling of wet but warm skin pressed against you more pleasant than it has a right to be. You’re the first to move and get up, Jade lets out a little whine when you move up, upset that she’s no longer got her boyfriend/wet pillow to lie on. But she soon follows and puts a towel on.

“Still gotta clean the carpets you know.” You say, putting your glasses back on.

“Mmm.”

Jade opens up the towel and pulls you in, wrapping you inside it as well. You can feel her tail wagging as your rapidly-unflacciding dick presses up against her. She smiles.

“The carpet can wait.”

And so it does.


End file.
